The Price of Silence: A Personal Account of Mental Health Struggle
Daniel Owor
Master of Arts in Digital Journalism,
The Aga Khan University Nairobi.
This blog contains statements that may be triggering for survivors. If at any point you require mental health support, please reach out to Western Health & Wellness Support at https://www.uwo.ca/health//psych/index.html to book an appointment with a mental health professional.
“I have given life my all but now I find myself with only emptiness. I apologize for being an inconvenience in death as I was in life,” he wrote on his family WhatsApp group at 11:41am on the 31st of May 2024. “I have given it my all and now I find myself with only emptiness,” he said, adding that, “I do sincerely love you all, and hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me.” “Kiss my nieces and nephews for me. They are the last joy that I held onto” [Late John Babirukamu, Kampala Uganda]
In 2024, on the top floor of Tagore Building in Kamwokya, a Kampala suburb in Uganda, John Babirukamu one of the brains behind Uganda’s blooming digital marketing space jumped off. Such is the fate of many Ugandans as the trend has been on the rise in the previous years. According to (Kaggwa et al., 2022), the COVID-19 pandemic has led to an increase in suicide attempts, with an overall incidence of 60 attempts per 100,000 people and 3 completed suicides per 100,000 people in only southwestern Uganda in 2020. Research indicates that suicide attempts in East African countries increased following the COVID-19 lockdown, with poisoning being the most common method (Kaggwa et al., 2022).
Globally, suicide is considered one of the leading causes of death among adolescents and young adults (WHO, 2021). The WHO global suicide report estimates that the African region has the highest burden for suicide with 11.2 per 100 000 population as against the global estimate of nine per 100,000 (WHO, 2021). For instance, routine data from Kilifi Health and Demographic Surveillance System in rural Kenya showed that between 2008 and 2016 there were 13,316 recorded deaths; 104 of those people died by suicide (Bitta et al., 2018). Similarly, Kinyanda et al. (2022) in their retrospective analysis of death records from Kampala, Uganda determined that out of 347 verbal autopsies, 306 died by suicide. Additionally, the study data showed that more males than females commit suicide, with a ratio of 3.4:1. The study attributed this high rate to untreated mental health conditions, which are further exacerbated by socioeconomic factors such as unemployment and poor access to finance. This aligns with WHO’s assertion that the high rate in Africa has been attributed to insufficient mitigation strategies to prevent and treat risk factors including mental health conditions (WHO, 2022). It is no doubt that mental health conditions are significant risk factors for suicide, as evident in a global review (Bachmann, 2018). Depression, substance use disorders, and psychosis are among the most relevant risk factors (Ibid).
From John Babirukamu’s last statements to his family, while we may never know what prompted his extreme act, we can empathize that he may have silently suffered a mental health condition or felt unable to share his burden. For a man who had been at the forefront of digital marketing success to top Ugandan Organizations like MTN, Uganda Breweries Limited and top media organizations like NTV and NBS (Opio, 2024) to end up with nothing but emptiness, resolving his only option was his final decision, shows how much we still need to do as a society. With more stories like Babirukamu’s happening in Uganda, suicide merits being declared a public health epidemic and treated like every other epidemic in the world. While one may wonder why Babirukamu with his wealth and social standing took such a decision, we know this is not about wealth or social status. Research has shown that regardless of your wealth, social status, and social networks, many are susceptible to mental health conditions. In fact, Uganda’s data shows that more adolescent especially young males in schools consistently account for a high rate of these incidents (Kaggwa et al., 2022; Rudatsikira et a., 2007).
Recently, at a men’s Christian fellowship, I had the opportunity to engage with other men, who like me are struggling to understand the increasing rate of these incidents in Uganda. With reference to John Babirukamu’s incident, we agreed that men just do not talk enough. So, we decided to form small groups that will meet regularly to catch up, share a meal, and talk about what we are going through in life. As the first meeting approached, I was excited about talking to someone about my struggles. After hearing from other men at the meeting, I thought to myself wait, “I am not at the worst”. I noticed a certain weight lifted off my shoulders. At the end of the meeting, I made the decision to reach out to my siblings. I never realized I craved the need for a community that could understand me in my entire being, including in my mental health struggles. For a long time, I have been battling with heavy debt and the thought of being married three years down the road without a child. I had low levels of concentration, low self-esteem, and I was not certain about my future many times. I became an emotional eater and withdrew from close friends and family. Several times, I have thought of walking the same path as John Babirukamu. Having a community that can relate to my struggles gives me renewed motivation.
I am yet to establish whether it is just African men that are raised with societies that privileges masculinity over any show of weakness. Interestingly, recent research indicates that women experience higher rates of suicidal ideation and attempts compared to men, despite lower suicide mortality rates (Wasserman, 2021; Weiss et al., 2022). I can relate with this finding. My wife on several occasions has shared with me deep conversations she has with random ladies either during the course of her work in the field as a missionary—or at the grocery shop. I have always thought to myself—women are careless with their information. Recently she told me about how a neighbor we rarely talk to broke down before her over a failed relationship. Again, I thought—hmm, too much information. I have since realized that women’s ability to openly discuss and share their vulnerabilities with each other about the things that they are going through, is not just careless: it is a coping and health protective mechanism.
I can write this today because I am finding healing: with the fellow men from my Church, and in sharing my story. I want to let others know that we are all, or at least many many of us, are going through mental health struggles, and you are not alone. Even when it feels like you are alone, there is always someone standing beside you to take your hand and walk with you.
References
Bachmann, S. (2018). Epidemiology of Suicide and the Psychiatric Perspective. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15.
Kaggwa, M. M., Rukundo, G. Z., Wakida, E. K., Maling, S., Sserumaga, B. M., Atim, L. M., & Obua, C. (2022). Suicide and Suicide Attempts Among Patients Attending Primary Health Care Facilities in Uganda: A Medical Records Review. Risk Management and Healthcare Policy, 15, 703 - 711.
Kaggwa, M.M., Arinaitwe, I., Muwanguzi, M. et al. Suicidal behaviours among Ugandan university students: a cross-sectional study. BMC Psychiatry 22, 234 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-022-03858-7
Opio, I. (2024). Chimpreports. Retrieved from https://chimpreports.com/john-babirukamu-a-prominent-digital-marketer-commits-suicide-in-kampala/
Rudatsikira, E., Muula, A.S., Siziya, S. et al. Suicidal ideation and associated factors among school-going adolescents in rural Uganda. BMC Psychiatry 7, 67 (2007). https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-244X-7-67
Wasserman, D. (2021). Suicidality in women. European Psychiatry, 64, S12 - S12.
Weiss, S. J., Simeonova, D. I., Koleva, H., Muzik, M., Clark, K. D., Ozerdem, A., . . . Ammerman, R. T. (2022). Potential paths to suicidal ideation and suicide attempts among high-risk women. Journal of psychiatric research, 155, 493-500.
Photo by Nathan McDine on Unsplash
